Emotional Gardening

This summer, I found myself spending a lot of time in the yard weeding, planting, and removing old bushes.  Keeping up on a yard is really quite a task - and I just kept finding more and more that needed to be done with each project I completed.

One afternoon while my partner was at work, I decided to tackle a large project on my own and surprise her.  It was removing two (large) dead bushes by our shed.  It was clear to me as soon as I began that the two dead bushes were going to give me a good solid fight.

My battle began by me trying to remove the long branches first.  After a few scratches and pokes, I was on to the second step - digging out the trunks.  Friends, let me tell you, this was an absolute mess.  Dirt was everywhere, I looked absolutely ridiculous, and the patio area was a complete mess.  I realized that if she came home while I was in the middle of this project that it would definitely WOULD surprise her - but not in the fun way I had hoped!

Thankfully her meeting that day ran late and I had enough time to not only get the bushes removed and broken down, but also clean up the awful mess that I had made.  When she got home that evening, she was so impressed by how great the yard looked.  We both had a pretty good laugh when I explained just what a mess it truly was!

That night as I was letting the dogs out and reviewing my work with a glass of wine, I thought about that entire process that I went through earlier in the day.  1.) Dead bushes that needed to be removed 2.) Starting the process and going through the scratches and injuries of the dead branches 3.) Creating a mess that was so epic that if someone had come into the back yard while I was in the middle of it, they would have advised to just leave the dead bushes alone next time 4.) Disposal and clean up, which created a clean, new looking/feeling back yard living space.

I probably don’t need to guide you much further with where I’m going with this, but this is all worth repeating.  So often we look at the “dead bushes” (life situations, relationships, jobs, etc.) in our own life and justify keeping them there by knowing how difficult they would be to remove.  Unfortunately, we always know deep in our gut that it’s just a matter of time before we need to take on the task of removing them.

When we begin the removal process, don’t be scared away by the “damage” it can create.  Remember - though it may hurt and leave marks, it won’t scar you and the (emotional) injuries will heal.  

This part can be the most important of all to remember: when removing your individual “dead bushes”, this can create quite a mess - and opens you up to a significant amount of judgement.  This is also the time when many of your closest relationships view your life as “too messy” and lose faith in your mission - and opt to walk away.  

In the end, when you’ve cleared the emotional debris, you can take a step back and be proud of all that you’ve accomplished.  You’ll have so much to be proud of - and you’ll be very clear of who your support system is.

Don’t ever be afraid to remove the dead emotional debris from your life - and don’t ever lose the faith in yourself to finish the project.  You are worth it, you have a life worth living, and you will be a stronger person in the end.

Happy New Year - and here’s to our emotional gardening!

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle 

Rejection like the Beatles, Einstein, and Frank Baum.

A quick basic question: Do you believe in yourself?  Do you believe in your dreams?  Do you have the internal tenacity it takes to face rejection and pain - but keep walking?

I’ve said it before - following life passion and walking the path of happiness is not always easy.  On the journey of finding our passion, there is significant rejection, sometimes constant pain, and unbelievable heartbreak.  There’s no doubt why so many people give up on their dreams, passion, or finding life happiness ... The journey is difficult!

I’ve always admired famous people who exhibit internal tenacity.  Those people that don’t give up on themselves even when they are rejected time and time again.  Let’s start with The Beatles. They were rejected by 8 labels before being signed.  People just kept saying that no one would ever catch on to their sound ... Imagine if they would have listened!  No Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, no Let It Be, and no I Am The Walrus!  

Another example is Einstein.  He dropped out of school in the 8th grade and was told that he wasn’t smart enough to finish school - let alone ever make anything of himself.  Again, imagine what modern science would be like without Einstein.  What if he would have listened?

Lastly, a story that keeps me motivated is the biography of L. Frank Baum - the author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  His story is full of horrible set backs that could have ruined his spirit.  Before he became an author, he was kicked out of military school for not being athletic enough, had two failed businesses, and was an editor for a newspaper that failed.  

Frank Baum could have taken all of those failures and decided that he would never be able to succeed or have any financial stability for himself or his family.  However, when his mother in law gave him the advice and urged him to start writing down the lavish and bold stories he told his children, Mr. Baum finally found his success ... And The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was born.

What would have happened if he would have listened to all of the failures?  What if he would have turned around and told his mother in law that he would never find happiness or success?

The Beatles, Einstein, and L. Frank Baum show us that even though there is a world full of people telling you that you’re not good enough, listening to the critics is nothing but damaging - and we need to press on. 

Internal tenacity means having the strength to believe in yourself and in the life you want to live. The road of happiness for so many successful people is full of nothing but failures and sacrifices until they reach that point of success.  

The message today boils down to this: 

Don’t ever expect that following a dream will be easy.  But don’t ever doubt that it is worth it.

You can do it!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Developing And Finding Passion

I was talking to a friend of mine today about how we can lose focus in life so quickly.  It’s surreal to me how fast we can veer away from our most fundamental needs: we get a new job, we enter into a new relationship, we have crisis in our lives ... And we forget about the most important thing - ourselves!  We wake up and we are far behind in the rest of our lives, we are spiraling out of control, and we have lot the true essence of who we actually are.

That’s when drastic things need to happen.  When we find ourselves in the midst of stress, chaos, and disorganization, those are the red flags that it’s time to make a change and to grow.  Even if it means a temporary hurt.

This thought just isn’t coming out of watching other people do this ... The past 2 years of my life have been one example after another of this very premise.  I cannot tell you how many times I had woken up and realized that my life was, frankly, out of control.  About 6 months ago, I had realized (again), that life isn’t just going to be the kind road I simply hoped it would be - I needed to be an active participant in this journey and take the reigns.

I began the enormous task of finding my passion.  What is it that made me happy?  What was my life mission?  After many sleepless nights, I found more than myself - I found my drive.  And when you unlock that part inside of you, I can assure you, it won’t be ignored.

I slowly began to put the pieces together day by day, connecting to my passion, and talking through the roadblocks in my head that stopped me from following it.  Every minute of every day, I was working towards entrepreneurship and doing what I loved most - working with seniors and empowering them to see the beautiful, ageless spirit inside of them.

I’m proud to announce today, that I have launched Marilyn’s Family!  This is a business named after my grandma that focuses on empowering seniors that are struggling with life transitions: getting car keys taken away, moving into assisted living, or just adjusting to using a walker.  The company premise is simple - by setting up mentors for seniors, guiding them through difficult life transitions, and empowering families to aide in the process, the ageless spirit within the senior stays strong and motivated - which allows them to enjoy life no matter the circumstance.   

I have found that one thing  should always be clear to all of us no matter the day, circumstance, or our age: Life is to be embraced and enjoyed.  We do that by finding our self worth, by taking the reigns, and learning that what life looks like is ultimately up to each and every one of us.

Happiness is a difficult road to follow - and we get discouraged on that road all too often and move to the road of mediocrity and/or depression.  Fight the urge, find your passion, and live your life!

Here’s to Marilyn’s memory and to taking the reigns of life!  Remember, friends, happiness is within your grasp.  

And it’s within you today.

To the difficult road of happiness,

Michelle

http://marilynsfamilytree.blogspot.com

http://tenacitycoaching.blogspot.com

Michelle.A.Dodd@gmail.com

Creating Emotional Space

I’m proud to have such strong, amazing friends in my life.  These are people with a wide variety of life experiences that call home all over the globe ... For most of them, a big move to Oklahoma or to Egypt wasn’t exactly the plan - but they found themselves there by not settling for a complacent life and needing to make a change.

I talked to a friend of mine this past week who has recently done that very same thing and moved to New York.  She decided that she needed a change - that life had just become what she didn’t want it to be.  Simply put - she took control of her life.  She applied - and was offered - a job that would move her career forward, packed up her boxes and off she went to start a new life.  I hadn’t kept up on her the way I should have, so I was thankful to get an email from her and the few short minutes on the phone that I had.

She explained to me that in her short time there, her family had experienced a major health issue and just the day before she had to put her dog down.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing - picking up and moving across the country is hard enough, let alone dealing with two massive issues that would debilitate so many of us not having a support system.  I asked her how she was holding up and if she was missing home.  She said to me, “You know, Michelle, it has been difficult.  However, I’m just in so much better of a place that I’m able to handle things like this.”

And there it is, isn’t it?  Packing up and moving across the Country alone probably felt impossible some days, but because she made that decision and stuck to what she knew she wanted, she ended up clearing out the negativity and was able to process life in a much healthier way.

I think that story is incredibly representative of what life can - and should - look like.  I’ve definitely said before that happiness is a journey - not a destination ... And her story proves that theory.  We all experience ups and downs on a daily basis and none of us are free from not having traumatic, difficult life situations.  But at the end of the day, the most important piece is creating a life for yourself that is right for you - and sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable and go outside of our comfort zone to have that.  

It’s not always loading up a moving truck and moving across the country.  Sometimes it will simply be changing jobs, finally making the decision to see a therapist, or looking at someone and saying that you love them.  Regardless of how people view the size of your changes, remember that every step we take clearing out the cobwebs is a powerful one.  It will show in the way we interact with others, how we view ourselves, and our ability to handle the ups and downs of life.

I’m proud of my friend for her strength - and for showing so many what it means to not be held down by life.  And she’s not alone - you can also feel the freedom of pursuing the life you want ... You, like her, just need to take the first step and do it.

Remember, friends: Happiness is inside of you today.  Right now.  It’s just up to you to define how you find it.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Losing Grandpa

February 20th, 2011 marks the anniversary of when life began to rock me.  At this time last year, I was back and forth to see my family two states away and working very hard to spend every second I could with my grandfather that had days left to live.  February 20th, 2010 I was driving home from work listening to American Honey by Sugarland (you don't forget things like that) as I got the phone call from my dad that it was time to come home - and grandpa was finally at peace.

Life wasn't easy for my grandparents.  They were both homeless at times and did what they could to get by.  They then met each other young and decided to have a family ... Needless to say, they were two damaged people trying to figure out how to make life easier for their children than they had.  I'm not really quite sure grandma and grandpa ever figured out how to be a family ... I don't know if they ever knew what that really was.  But they tried ... And through the mistakes with their own children, they figured out how to love and embrace their grandchildren ... Even when their grandchildren let them down.

My grandparents made a lot of mistakes as parents, but they loved me through some incredibly difficult times ... I lost grandma in October of 2006, so February 20th, 2010 was a date that I lost not just a grandparent, but my friend and my undeniable, unconditional support system.

I'm mourning - and I have been.  This year has rocked me.  Couch surfing, financial crisis, falling in love with a woman that makes me feel like it's the first time I've ever been in love and rebuilding who I am while feeling alone has been hard.

But I'll tell you this: Grandpa would tell me to keep walking.  He would tell me to keep fighting.  Because life is worth it.

Through his death - and as we come up on this difficult anniversary - I'll speak for him right now: You may be dealing with crisis in your life, or reeling from an unsurmountable loss, but you will be okay.  We are ALL survivors and we are all in this together.  Stand up for yourself, shake the dust off and you keep walking.  And put some pride in that walk.  You're worth it.

For grandma and grandpa, for me, for my family ... Press forward.  Find your strength.  And love YOU. Life is to be enjoyed.  Don't find it too late.

To the difficult road of happiness,
Michelle

Lose the weight for GOOD!

About two and a half years ago, I found myself single after a long term relationship ended and the heaviest I had ever been.  I had slowly been gaining weight for over a year and it just seemed like I couldn’t stop the ship from sinking.  I’m 5’7” and weighed in at an unhealthy 187 pounds … And I was incredibly unhappy.

I had no idea where to begin and focusing on a healthier me seemed confusing.  I had tried to diet many times before, but fell incredibly short of my goals … And after I failed at my diets, I always put the weight back on – and then some. 

I decided at that point that I needed to make a total life change.  And I had to make small steps to ensure my success.  I knew I had to give up white flour, sugary soda and most of my sugar … But I also knew that if I didn’t do it slowly, I was sure to fail.

I began making small changes.  My first step was switching to wheat pasta.  As soon as I adjusted to the change and I was comfortable, I switched to diet soda.  When I adjusted to diet, I switched to water … You get the idea.  Bottom line is that the old adage is true – small steps equal big results!  I started seeing great results and I was beginning to drop sizes.

I’m proud to say that over the two and a half years of my journey, I have lost a successful 60 pounds.  Though my weight fluctuates a bit, I have stuck to my life changes.  Yes, I cheat at times, but I know they are “cheats” – not a constant way of life anymore.

As we come upon the New Year and our resolutions start, remember how little things add up to make a big difference.  And if you’re a comfort eater like me, remember that food has a purpose to keep the body working and active – and food visits many parts of our bodies, not just our mouths and stomachs.  Just because it tastes good at the moment doesn’t mean that if feels good to your heart, your stomach or your arteries. 

To give you a head start on your resolution to lose some of the Holiday weight, here are some tips that I’ve collected over my weight loss journey:

-         Carbohydrates are a great source of energy.  But be aware of how active you are.  The unused carbs in your body turn to sugar and sugar turns to fat.

-         Protein fights carbs.  If you eat spaghetti, be sure you eat a lean meat with it.  Grilled chicken or tofu is great.

-         Your body is a furnace.  Many times I hear of people not eating to lose weight.  Be aware that 4 hours after eating, your body goes into survival mode and stops processing food as a survival technique.  To keep your body burning through carbs, sugar and fat, you need to keep your body fed with high protein, low sugar/fat food.  Keep the furnace burning and the weight will “burn” away!

-         Exercise takes mental toughness and will hold you to your new eating habits.  Believe me – if you cheat by having a sugary soda or donut, the next day on the treadmill you will feel it!  Beyond that, it just makes you feel better.  And in these winter months, we can use all the help we can get. 

-         As a general rule of thumb, meals should stay at 500-600 calories with under 10g of sugar and snacks between meals should be about 150 calories with 5-6g of sugar.

-         Lastly, be careful about sugar substitutes.  Your body can’t tell the difference from real sugar to sugar alcohols.  Fat in the body thrives on the sugar alcohols so there may be times that having the real sugar is better for you. 

Good luck in your journey to health this year!  Read labels, consult your doctor, talk to a coach and get your support system set. 

This is your year!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Embrace the growth opportunities!

“Acknowledging the good you already have in you is the foundation for all abundance” - Eckhart Tolle

This quote came to mind recently as I talked to several people dealing with managing adversity in their lives.  This week alone, I’ve talked to people that are losing their homes, dealing with devastating break ups and are struggling with their career.  All of them all have the same feelings - I’m a failure, I’m not worth love and success just seems to be out of my reach.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that no one should ever take blame for the mistakes in money mis-management, relationships or career issues - self analysis is part of the growth process and is critical for positive self change.  The problem comes in when our growth opportunities define us and our self worth - and we lose sight of all that is good within us.

The fact is that bad things happen in life.  And when the bad things happen, we can either turn on ourselves or we can learn and grow.  

When life hands you a growth opportunity, take a step back and stay faithful to yourself.  Realize that mistakes - no matter how severe or often - don’t define us.  We are all unique, individuals learning how to live with responsibility, emotions and each other.  Thinking that we’ll be successful at managing all of that naturally is a complete farce.  It takes dedication, time and an intense amount learning.

You have good in you right now.  You have happiness inside of you right now.  And you have growth opportunities to learn from right now.  Put your guard down, realize your own beauty and dive into the beautifully difficult process of life.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle