Lose the weight for GOOD!

About two and a half years ago, I found myself single after a long term relationship ended and the heaviest I had ever been.  I had slowly been gaining weight for over a year and it just seemed like I couldn’t stop the ship from sinking.  I’m 5’7” and weighed in at an unhealthy 187 pounds … And I was incredibly unhappy.

I had no idea where to begin and focusing on a healthier me seemed confusing.  I had tried to diet many times before, but fell incredibly short of my goals … And after I failed at my diets, I always put the weight back on – and then some. 

I decided at that point that I needed to make a total life change.  And I had to make small steps to ensure my success.  I knew I had to give up white flour, sugary soda and most of my sugar … But I also knew that if I didn’t do it slowly, I was sure to fail.

I began making small changes.  My first step was switching to wheat pasta.  As soon as I adjusted to the change and I was comfortable, I switched to diet soda.  When I adjusted to diet, I switched to water … You get the idea.  Bottom line is that the old adage is true – small steps equal big results!  I started seeing great results and I was beginning to drop sizes.

I’m proud to say that over the two and a half years of my journey, I have lost a successful 60 pounds.  Though my weight fluctuates a bit, I have stuck to my life changes.  Yes, I cheat at times, but I know they are “cheats” – not a constant way of life anymore.

As we come upon the New Year and our resolutions start, remember how little things add up to make a big difference.  And if you’re a comfort eater like me, remember that food has a purpose to keep the body working and active – and food visits many parts of our bodies, not just our mouths and stomachs.  Just because it tastes good at the moment doesn’t mean that if feels good to your heart, your stomach or your arteries. 

To give you a head start on your resolution to lose some of the Holiday weight, here are some tips that I’ve collected over my weight loss journey:

-         Carbohydrates are a great source of energy.  But be aware of how active you are.  The unused carbs in your body turn to sugar and sugar turns to fat.

-         Protein fights carbs.  If you eat spaghetti, be sure you eat a lean meat with it.  Grilled chicken or tofu is great.

-         Your body is a furnace.  Many times I hear of people not eating to lose weight.  Be aware that 4 hours after eating, your body goes into survival mode and stops processing food as a survival technique.  To keep your body burning through carbs, sugar and fat, you need to keep your body fed with high protein, low sugar/fat food.  Keep the furnace burning and the weight will “burn” away!

-         Exercise takes mental toughness and will hold you to your new eating habits.  Believe me – if you cheat by having a sugary soda or donut, the next day on the treadmill you will feel it!  Beyond that, it just makes you feel better.  And in these winter months, we can use all the help we can get. 

-         As a general rule of thumb, meals should stay at 500-600 calories with under 10g of sugar and snacks between meals should be about 150 calories with 5-6g of sugar.

-         Lastly, be careful about sugar substitutes.  Your body can’t tell the difference from real sugar to sugar alcohols.  Fat in the body thrives on the sugar alcohols so there may be times that having the real sugar is better for you. 

Good luck in your journey to health this year!  Read labels, consult your doctor, talk to a coach and get your support system set. 

This is your year!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Embrace the growth opportunities!

“Acknowledging the good you already have in you is the foundation for all abundance” - Eckhart Tolle

This quote came to mind recently as I talked to several people dealing with managing adversity in their lives.  This week alone, I’ve talked to people that are losing their homes, dealing with devastating break ups and are struggling with their career.  All of them all have the same feelings - I’m a failure, I’m not worth love and success just seems to be out of my reach.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that no one should ever take blame for the mistakes in money mis-management, relationships or career issues - self analysis is part of the growth process and is critical for positive self change.  The problem comes in when our growth opportunities define us and our self worth - and we lose sight of all that is good within us.

The fact is that bad things happen in life.  And when the bad things happen, we can either turn on ourselves or we can learn and grow.  

When life hands you a growth opportunity, take a step back and stay faithful to yourself.  Realize that mistakes - no matter how severe or often - don’t define us.  We are all unique, individuals learning how to live with responsibility, emotions and each other.  Thinking that we’ll be successful at managing all of that naturally is a complete farce.  It takes dedication, time and an intense amount learning.

You have good in you right now.  You have happiness inside of you right now.  And you have growth opportunities to learn from right now.  Put your guard down, realize your own beauty and dive into the beautifully difficult process of life.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Don't be afraid to change!

Today, I’m bringing you this blog from my new MacBook.  After a drastic computer crash on the cheap laptop that I bought almost 4 years ago, I figured it was time to invest ... And I’m paying mostly with the time I’m burning figuring it out!

I have been a true-blue Microsoft woman from the beginning - and I’ve had a great relationship with it.  However, it became apparent that it was time for a change.  Microsoft just wasn’t a good fit for me and I needed to consider my options.  I needed to be able to write presentations that pop, enjoy my photography and write collateral for my newly developing business.  So after weeks of going back and forth, I decided to embrace the change and enjoy the Mac.

And I will - as soon as I learn how to use it.

Our world can be like this in the same respect.  We see something that is so much better for us, it’s undeniable.  However, we waste a considerable amount of time justifying staying with the routine that just isn’t healthy for us anymore.  Justification can be used for not budgeting, staying in a toxic relationships, making a job change, and the list goes on and on.  We find ourselves saying, “This just isn’t the right time for me to make this big of a change!  I just don’t have the energy.”

One thing remains true: When you justify staying in toxicity by saying you don’t have the energy to adjust to a change, that may be the warning signals you need to move full speed ahead.  Stress does horrible things to our energy levels and our overall happiness.  If you are struggling with keeping your head above water - and it has become clear that life just isn’t working for you - take a look at yourself and begin to consider making changes.  

Does it stress you out to think of going to work?  Do you dread seeing that toxic friend that tends to take more than he/she gives?  Do you find yourself spending more than you make?  

Just like a new computer system, making life changes are hard, they take time and they require self-forgiveness.  But the fear of the learning curve, failure or difficult conversations shouldn’t be the reason we stay unhappy.

I’ve written it before, and it’s definitely worth repeating - Happiness is inside of you right now.  Staying unhappy is an absolute choice - and so is pursuing what makes you feel connected to yourself.

Take time to think about what makes you happy - and think about where you want to go.    There is no doubt in my mind that difficult situations will arise as you change for the better and grow.  But don’t be afraid of them.  Embrace the change and what makes you happy.

A better life begins now!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Remove The Mental Road Blocks

I had coffee with a friend this week.  She’s truly amazing – she’s worked very hard and is now getting ready to take over the established law firm that she’s been working at for quite some time.  She’s under the close support of a business coach and she was discussing how beneficial the coach has been for her.

As we were talking about the business coaching process and ways we can both develop our books of business, she looked at me and said, “Michelle, I KNOW there are basic business principles that I need to do every day.  But why is this so hard?  I mean, it’s common sense, right?”

So many times I hear that during a day.  “I’m not sure WHY I’m struggling with this – it’s common sense!”  Think about it – how many times in a day do you say that?  “I’m not sure WHY I run out of money each month – budgeting is common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I don’t start my business – this should be common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I won’t pick up the phone to cold call – this is common sense!”

Sometimes life can be difficult – and often we need to realize that it may be us standing in our own way.    There are times that with basic coaching, advising or mentoring, we can work through the road blocks that we put up in our own way, navigate through the rough waters and get back on track.

If you’re struggling with life or business issues that, to you, should be basic and seem elementary, coaching could be your way to getting through them and finding the success you want.  Instead of beating yourself up and falling short of the goals you set for yourself each month, reach out to a trusted advisor and work through the issues.

Never underestimate how close you are to success.  You’re time is now – and it is within you!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Building life-muscle

I really struggle with a workout routine … I have a hard time getting myself to go when I sweat, run in the same place, I always feel judged and I most DEFINITELY always hurt the next few days. 

Do you know why a body hurts through those next few days?  Muscles are made up of tiny fibers.  When you work out, you actually “tear” those fibers – creating the sore feeling.  This is a good thing, however.  Because when your fibers rebuild, the rebuild stronger – and that’s how you see changes in your muscle structure.

When you get into a routine and start building up muscle, your body starts to hum.  Muscle burns calories – meaning that if you’re watching what you eat and building up your body, you’ll receive the results that you want physically. 

That same analogy can be used to our lives as well.  So many times life is like a workout routine.  We feel like we’re running on a treadmill (not moving forward), we feel judged and, frankly, life just hurts.  But after we recover, we find that during those times of being broken down, we come back bigger and stronger – and the “life-muscle” that we’ve built helps us through everyday situations in life.

I hear so many people resenting the pain and sadness in their lives.  They focus on the “bad hand” that life has given them and they find it hard to rise above.  Don’t get me wrong – I get it.  Life IS hard and life can most definitely be hard to navigate.  But when life hurts the most, remember that’s when you’re being broken down.  You can’t get stronger without pain – emotionally or physically. 

Coming out of a difficult situation, day or bad stretch usually means this: You’ve learned, you’ve come through it and you’ve developed strength. 

Being wrong, making mistakes or just getting the “short straw” can be difficult.  But focus on the lessons and embrace the pain – it won’t last forever and you’re going to be stronger than ever.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

A lesson on Eat, Pray, Love

Last night I watched Eat, Pray, Love for the first time.  The premise of the movie is that the main character, Liz (played by Julia Roberts), finds herself in a string of bad relationships and financial ruin.  To try and find her zest for life again, she picks up and dedicates herself to finding God – in Italy, India and Dali. 

I had so many moments in that movie that made me think – and that, frankly, I could identify with.  But one line specifically stood out to me – when she was new to Italy and finding friends, one man looked at her and said, “So, Liz, who are you?”  Liz responded, “I’m a writer.”  He looked at her and said, “That’s what you do – not who you are.  Who are you?”

That deeply resonated with me.  Who we are can so easily be defined by what we actually do.  We tell ourselves that we are the actual role in life that takes up our 9-5.  I’m a baker, I’m a salesman, I’m a manager, I’m a business owner, and the list goes on and on.  To make it even more complicated, our self-worth can get wrapped up in how well we do at those things.  If we have a rough day at work or a string of bad luck at work, all too often that pours directly into our personal lives. 

Let’s take a step back.  Let’s take a look at who we actually are as individuals.

If we’re really honest with ourselves, we’d probably see that our passion isn’t our careers.  Now we may be GOOD at our careers/job – which can make life seem successful and fulfilled – but that doesn’t mean that we have reached ultimate success.

Liz found her passion and zest for life by totally changing it.  She found her life again by finally giving up the façade of what she felt life SHOULD have been and pursuing life as she wanted it.

So often we build ourselves up and try to make life look like everyone else’s – and usually that’s at the expense of our happiness, passion and who we truly can become.  I encourage you today to dig deep inside of yourself and find your individuality.  Defining yourself by who you truly are will only make you a happier person in your career, in your relationships and will give you a sense of fulfillment that you never have experienced before.

You are one of a kind with amazing gifts, talents and abilities.  Find your passion.  And don’t be afraid to follow it!

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle

Tenacity.coaching@gmail.com

Stop the negative self talk!

At all times, we need to be very aware of the negative self-talk that we have running through our minds. 

This was driven home for me when I woke up at one day in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship.  My self worth through my 20’s became more and more of an issue it was starting to show in many areas of life.  Those times can be dangerous – we lose sight of who we are and what we deserve.  We can easily find ourselves in “self-fulfilling” relationships -meaning, self esteem is low and we can find someone that keeps us there (not just a lover – this can also be a friend or a member of our family).  We don’t do it on purpose, but we are desperately seeking validation … And we usually find it.

 Through the course of my self-validating relationship, I had many friends express concern about my well-being but every time I denied it, lied about it and became very defensive about it.  It wasn’t until a colleague of mine came to me and said, “Friend, I see too many red flags for home to be okay.  How can I help you get out?”  I for the first time admitted it – to myself and her –and I made my plan to leave.

The next few months were traumatic.  Police escorts to remove the few possessions I could grab, couch surfing and ultimately losing everything to be free.   Controllers and abusers don’t take that rejection lightly, so work became incredibly complicated as I dealt with harassing phone calls and emails to my work accounts and random visits to my office as well. 

So often I looked at myself as I was brushing my teeth in the morning and thought, “HOW did I get here?  No home and nothing to my name.  How could I have let this happen?”

Now that the dust has settled on that horrible time, a quote from the same colleague comes to my mind.  She gave me advice that was given to her.  Over coffee one day I said to her, “I’m a total train wreck.”  She looked back and said, “Michelle, your past is what got you here today.  You dealing with this is the healthiest thing you can do – and your future will be better because of it.”

We all have things inside of us that we need to work on and we need to be very careful that we don’t reach the perfect storm – our weaknesses paired with someone who can manipulate that.  This can be a fear of loneliness, fear of rejection or abandonment, etc.  However, when and if we do find ourselves – or someone we love – in that situation, how do we remove ourselves from it? 

Love yourself.  Now.

During that time of pain, I took time out to focus on what I had been missing – love for myself.  I realized I spent so much time saying, “How stupid can I be to end up here?  How could anyone love me after losing everything and making such horrible decisions?” 

And then it hit me - for me to move forward I needed to stop abusing myself first.

No matter who you are or where you’re at in life’s journey, listen to your thoughts and truly think about how often you abuse yourself – and reframe it immediately … Even if you don’t believe it.  Instead of saying, “How did I end up here?”  Think, “I am in a situation that isn’t good for me and I am worth removing myself from it.”  Instead of saying, “How stupid can I be?”  Think, “I am smart and worth love – what can I learn from this situation?”

We are all worth love – but that needs to start from within.  We all walk around with damage, baggage and difficulties … And the way we can prevent someone else’s damage hurting us or controlling us is to find love for yourself first.  Realize you’re worth true, healthy love – and realize that the pain of removing yourself from toxicity is ALWAYS worth it.

You are a soul of value and that deserves respect.  Stop abusing yourself, believe in yourself and open the door to love.

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle

tenacity.coaching@gmail.com

Overcome Stress!

Stress, anxiety and panic are everywhere, aren’t they?  Yesterday I was sitting in traffic and I was trying to turn left – and anywhere in Chicagoland, that’s never an easy task.  There were cars building up behind me and as I looked in my rear-view mirror, I saw the driver behind me was getting frustrated, angry and aggressive.

Needless to say, that created anxiety for me and I began to also get frustrated and angry with the constant flow of cars that were stopping me from turning left.  I kept looking in the rear-view mirror and started to carry the anxiety that the driver behind me was experiencing.  I went from a peaceful state to complete frustration and all I could focus on was how I couldn’t accomplish what I needed. 

And then it hit me – my mission and goal was to successfully turn left and not get into an accident.  So if I was pursuing what I needed to do and making the best judgment call I could, why was I so caught up in someone else’s frustration? 

Though it’s a basic example, I wonder how often we all practice carrying emotion that we don’t need to.  From our bosses at work to our families, others expectations of who we are and how we operate in our lives can have a lasting impact on our stress level.  So often we have a goal – like turning left – and work very hard on carrying it out, but allow someone else’s opinions or inappropriate emotion ruin our progress. 

So how do we cope with the people that try to derail us?  I mean, it’s not possible for me to never experience road rage again, right?  It’s not possible be employed and never experience a coworker that has a bad attitude, either!   

Two words – self confidence.  Trust the fact that you know what’s best for you. 

On a day to day basis, we make choices (some big, some small) that are right for us – even if it appears to be wrong to someone else.  Trust who you are and believe in the decisions you make to reach your success.  At the end of the day, you are in charge of your own destiny and happiness – and developing the confidence to walk that road takes strength.

Find just that – confidence and strength.  Trust in who you are and stay focused on your dreams … Happiness is within you right at this moment – don’t let anyone take it away from you!

To the difficult road of happiness,

Michelle

The 1984 Blazer

Today at work I had to put my office back together.  We had new flooring installed and I had to box everything up last week – today was the day to unpack.  I keep a lot of things in my office that are sentimental and I found myself reminiscing today.  

While I was unpacking I ran across an old picture – it was a picture of my 1984 Chevy Blazer … That I bought in 1999.  I bought the Blazer for $750 … And even then I overpaid.  That fine purchase left me with a whopping $50 in my account.  To top it off, it wouldn’t start in the rain and it wouldn’t start in the cold – so when I found a job and could drive to work, I drove on days that I could have walked. 

I was driving to (or walking long distances in the cold and rain), to a horrible company.  I was doing inside sales – with no commission – for $7.50 an hour.  I had taken the “promotion” to inside sales willingly to get out of the warehouse that never seemed to dip below 150 degrees in there.  I got out of the heat but found myself working even harder – but now stuck behind a desk - for the same pay.

Even though at this moment I’m more than thankful for what I had –and I received sales experience that built up my resume - I was very angry I didn’t have more.  I felt like I should have been driving something better, working for a better company and making more than what I was.  And, in all actuality, maybe I should have been at least DRIVING something more reliable. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I was paying my dues.

It’s cliché, isn’t it?  Paying dues - what a concept!  It’s almost like that’s what we tell ourselves so we feel better about our circumstances – and we remind ourselves about how cliché it is every time we meet adversity in our lives or careers.  But in the same respect, that time in my life was full of new experiences and so much joy … And I missed it.  I can look back and enjoy remembering those times, but I totally missed the joy in the moment while I was living it due to feeling like I deserved more.

I keep the picture of the Blazer in a frame on my desk to remind myself that in sadness and pain, I’m learning and growing.  And that Blazer is a constant reminder to me that if I focus on finding happiness in learning from my mistakes, life will always improve.

Finding joy on a daily basis doesn’t mean that life is “rolling your way”.  Finding joy on a day to day basis means that you realize there is joy in learning, joy in change and joy in pain.

Don’t miss the lesson of today.  Don’t miss the awesome experience of a life lesson.  And don’t ever regret your life – you’re where you’re at for a reason. 

To the hard road of happiness,

Michelle