Emotional Gardening

This summer, I found myself spending a lot of time in the yard weeding, planting, and removing old bushes.  Keeping up on a yard is really quite a task - and I just kept finding more and more that needed to be done with each project I completed.

One afternoon while my partner was at work, I decided to tackle a large project on my own and surprise her.  It was removing two (large) dead bushes by our shed.  It was clear to me as soon as I began that the two dead bushes were going to give me a good solid fight.

My battle began by me trying to remove the long branches first.  After a few scratches and pokes, I was on to the second step - digging out the trunks.  Friends, let me tell you, this was an absolute mess.  Dirt was everywhere, I looked absolutely ridiculous, and the patio area was a complete mess.  I realized that if she came home while I was in the middle of this project that it would definitely WOULD surprise her - but not in the fun way I had hoped!

Thankfully her meeting that day ran late and I had enough time to not only get the bushes removed and broken down, but also clean up the awful mess that I had made.  When she got home that evening, she was so impressed by how great the yard looked.  We both had a pretty good laugh when I explained just what a mess it truly was!

That night as I was letting the dogs out and reviewing my work with a glass of wine, I thought about that entire process that I went through earlier in the day.  1.) Dead bushes that needed to be removed 2.) Starting the process and going through the scratches and injuries of the dead branches 3.) Creating a mess that was so epic that if someone had come into the back yard while I was in the middle of it, they would have advised to just leave the dead bushes alone next time 4.) Disposal and clean up, which created a clean, new looking/feeling back yard living space.

I probably don’t need to guide you much further with where I’m going with this, but this is all worth repeating.  So often we look at the “dead bushes” (life situations, relationships, jobs, etc.) in our own life and justify keeping them there by knowing how difficult they would be to remove.  Unfortunately, we always know deep in our gut that it’s just a matter of time before we need to take on the task of removing them.

When we begin the removal process, don’t be scared away by the “damage” it can create.  Remember - though it may hurt and leave marks, it won’t scar you and the (emotional) injuries will heal.  

This part can be the most important of all to remember: when removing your individual “dead bushes”, this can create quite a mess - and opens you up to a significant amount of judgement.  This is also the time when many of your closest relationships view your life as “too messy” and lose faith in your mission - and opt to walk away.  

In the end, when you’ve cleared the emotional debris, you can take a step back and be proud of all that you’ve accomplished.  You’ll have so much to be proud of - and you’ll be very clear of who your support system is.

Don’t ever be afraid to remove the dead emotional debris from your life - and don’t ever lose the faith in yourself to finish the project.  You are worth it, you have a life worth living, and you will be a stronger person in the end.

Happy New Year - and here’s to our emotional gardening!

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle 

Rejection like the Beatles, Einstein, and Frank Baum.

A quick basic question: Do you believe in yourself?  Do you believe in your dreams?  Do you have the internal tenacity it takes to face rejection and pain - but keep walking?

I’ve said it before - following life passion and walking the path of happiness is not always easy.  On the journey of finding our passion, there is significant rejection, sometimes constant pain, and unbelievable heartbreak.  There’s no doubt why so many people give up on their dreams, passion, or finding life happiness ... The journey is difficult!

I’ve always admired famous people who exhibit internal tenacity.  Those people that don’t give up on themselves even when they are rejected time and time again.  Let’s start with The Beatles. They were rejected by 8 labels before being signed.  People just kept saying that no one would ever catch on to their sound ... Imagine if they would have listened!  No Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band, no Let It Be, and no I Am The Walrus!  

Another example is Einstein.  He dropped out of school in the 8th grade and was told that he wasn’t smart enough to finish school - let alone ever make anything of himself.  Again, imagine what modern science would be like without Einstein.  What if he would have listened?

Lastly, a story that keeps me motivated is the biography of L. Frank Baum - the author of The Wonderful Wizard of Oz.  His story is full of horrible set backs that could have ruined his spirit.  Before he became an author, he was kicked out of military school for not being athletic enough, had two failed businesses, and was an editor for a newspaper that failed.  

Frank Baum could have taken all of those failures and decided that he would never be able to succeed or have any financial stability for himself or his family.  However, when his mother in law gave him the advice and urged him to start writing down the lavish and bold stories he told his children, Mr. Baum finally found his success ... And The Wonderful Wizard of Oz was born.

What would have happened if he would have listened to all of the failures?  What if he would have turned around and told his mother in law that he would never find happiness or success?

The Beatles, Einstein, and L. Frank Baum show us that even though there is a world full of people telling you that you’re not good enough, listening to the critics is nothing but damaging - and we need to press on. 

Internal tenacity means having the strength to believe in yourself and in the life you want to live. The road of happiness for so many successful people is full of nothing but failures and sacrifices until they reach that point of success.  

The message today boils down to this: 

Don’t ever expect that following a dream will be easy.  But don’t ever doubt that it is worth it.

You can do it!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Developing And Finding Passion

I was talking to a friend of mine today about how we can lose focus in life so quickly.  It’s surreal to me how fast we can veer away from our most fundamental needs: we get a new job, we enter into a new relationship, we have crisis in our lives ... And we forget about the most important thing - ourselves!  We wake up and we are far behind in the rest of our lives, we are spiraling out of control, and we have lot the true essence of who we actually are.

That’s when drastic things need to happen.  When we find ourselves in the midst of stress, chaos, and disorganization, those are the red flags that it’s time to make a change and to grow.  Even if it means a temporary hurt.

This thought just isn’t coming out of watching other people do this ... The past 2 years of my life have been one example after another of this very premise.  I cannot tell you how many times I had woken up and realized that my life was, frankly, out of control.  About 6 months ago, I had realized (again), that life isn’t just going to be the kind road I simply hoped it would be - I needed to be an active participant in this journey and take the reigns.

I began the enormous task of finding my passion.  What is it that made me happy?  What was my life mission?  After many sleepless nights, I found more than myself - I found my drive.  And when you unlock that part inside of you, I can assure you, it won’t be ignored.

I slowly began to put the pieces together day by day, connecting to my passion, and talking through the roadblocks in my head that stopped me from following it.  Every minute of every day, I was working towards entrepreneurship and doing what I loved most - working with seniors and empowering them to see the beautiful, ageless spirit inside of them.

I’m proud to announce today, that I have launched Marilyn’s Family!  This is a business named after my grandma that focuses on empowering seniors that are struggling with life transitions: getting car keys taken away, moving into assisted living, or just adjusting to using a walker.  The company premise is simple - by setting up mentors for seniors, guiding them through difficult life transitions, and empowering families to aide in the process, the ageless spirit within the senior stays strong and motivated - which allows them to enjoy life no matter the circumstance.   

I have found that one thing  should always be clear to all of us no matter the day, circumstance, or our age: Life is to be embraced and enjoyed.  We do that by finding our self worth, by taking the reigns, and learning that what life looks like is ultimately up to each and every one of us.

Happiness is a difficult road to follow - and we get discouraged on that road all too often and move to the road of mediocrity and/or depression.  Fight the urge, find your passion, and live your life!

Here’s to Marilyn’s memory and to taking the reigns of life!  Remember, friends, happiness is within your grasp.  

And it’s within you today.

To the difficult road of happiness,

Michelle

http://marilynsfamilytree.blogspot.com

http://tenacitycoaching.blogspot.com

Michelle.A.Dodd@gmail.com

Creating Emotional Space

I’m proud to have such strong, amazing friends in my life.  These are people with a wide variety of life experiences that call home all over the globe ... For most of them, a big move to Oklahoma or to Egypt wasn’t exactly the plan - but they found themselves there by not settling for a complacent life and needing to make a change.

I talked to a friend of mine this past week who has recently done that very same thing and moved to New York.  She decided that she needed a change - that life had just become what she didn’t want it to be.  Simply put - she took control of her life.  She applied - and was offered - a job that would move her career forward, packed up her boxes and off she went to start a new life.  I hadn’t kept up on her the way I should have, so I was thankful to get an email from her and the few short minutes on the phone that I had.

She explained to me that in her short time there, her family had experienced a major health issue and just the day before she had to put her dog down.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing - picking up and moving across the country is hard enough, let alone dealing with two massive issues that would debilitate so many of us not having a support system.  I asked her how she was holding up and if she was missing home.  She said to me, “You know, Michelle, it has been difficult.  However, I’m just in so much better of a place that I’m able to handle things like this.”

And there it is, isn’t it?  Packing up and moving across the Country alone probably felt impossible some days, but because she made that decision and stuck to what she knew she wanted, she ended up clearing out the negativity and was able to process life in a much healthier way.

I think that story is incredibly representative of what life can - and should - look like.  I’ve definitely said before that happiness is a journey - not a destination ... And her story proves that theory.  We all experience ups and downs on a daily basis and none of us are free from not having traumatic, difficult life situations.  But at the end of the day, the most important piece is creating a life for yourself that is right for you - and sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable and go outside of our comfort zone to have that.  

It’s not always loading up a moving truck and moving across the country.  Sometimes it will simply be changing jobs, finally making the decision to see a therapist, or looking at someone and saying that you love them.  Regardless of how people view the size of your changes, remember that every step we take clearing out the cobwebs is a powerful one.  It will show in the way we interact with others, how we view ourselves, and our ability to handle the ups and downs of life.

I’m proud of my friend for her strength - and for showing so many what it means to not be held down by life.  And she’s not alone - you can also feel the freedom of pursuing the life you want ... You, like her, just need to take the first step and do it.

Remember, friends: Happiness is inside of you today.  Right now.  It’s just up to you to define how you find it.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Losing Grandpa

February 20th, 2011 marks the anniversary of when life began to rock me.  At this time last year, I was back and forth to see my family two states away and working very hard to spend every second I could with my grandfather that had days left to live.  February 20th, 2010 I was driving home from work listening to American Honey by Sugarland (you don't forget things like that) as I got the phone call from my dad that it was time to come home - and grandpa was finally at peace.

Life wasn't easy for my grandparents.  They were both homeless at times and did what they could to get by.  They then met each other young and decided to have a family ... Needless to say, they were two damaged people trying to figure out how to make life easier for their children than they had.  I'm not really quite sure grandma and grandpa ever figured out how to be a family ... I don't know if they ever knew what that really was.  But they tried ... And through the mistakes with their own children, they figured out how to love and embrace their grandchildren ... Even when their grandchildren let them down.

My grandparents made a lot of mistakes as parents, but they loved me through some incredibly difficult times ... I lost grandma in October of 2006, so February 20th, 2010 was a date that I lost not just a grandparent, but my friend and my undeniable, unconditional support system.

I'm mourning - and I have been.  This year has rocked me.  Couch surfing, financial crisis, falling in love with a woman that makes me feel like it's the first time I've ever been in love and rebuilding who I am while feeling alone has been hard.

But I'll tell you this: Grandpa would tell me to keep walking.  He would tell me to keep fighting.  Because life is worth it.

Through his death - and as we come up on this difficult anniversary - I'll speak for him right now: You may be dealing with crisis in your life, or reeling from an unsurmountable loss, but you will be okay.  We are ALL survivors and we are all in this together.  Stand up for yourself, shake the dust off and you keep walking.  And put some pride in that walk.  You're worth it.

For grandma and grandpa, for me, for my family ... Press forward.  Find your strength.  And love YOU. Life is to be enjoyed.  Don't find it too late.

To the difficult road of happiness,
Michelle

Lose the weight for GOOD!

About two and a half years ago, I found myself single after a long term relationship ended and the heaviest I had ever been.  I had slowly been gaining weight for over a year and it just seemed like I couldn’t stop the ship from sinking.  I’m 5’7” and weighed in at an unhealthy 187 pounds … And I was incredibly unhappy.

I had no idea where to begin and focusing on a healthier me seemed confusing.  I had tried to diet many times before, but fell incredibly short of my goals … And after I failed at my diets, I always put the weight back on – and then some. 

I decided at that point that I needed to make a total life change.  And I had to make small steps to ensure my success.  I knew I had to give up white flour, sugary soda and most of my sugar … But I also knew that if I didn’t do it slowly, I was sure to fail.

I began making small changes.  My first step was switching to wheat pasta.  As soon as I adjusted to the change and I was comfortable, I switched to diet soda.  When I adjusted to diet, I switched to water … You get the idea.  Bottom line is that the old adage is true – small steps equal big results!  I started seeing great results and I was beginning to drop sizes.

I’m proud to say that over the two and a half years of my journey, I have lost a successful 60 pounds.  Though my weight fluctuates a bit, I have stuck to my life changes.  Yes, I cheat at times, but I know they are “cheats” – not a constant way of life anymore.

As we come upon the New Year and our resolutions start, remember how little things add up to make a big difference.  And if you’re a comfort eater like me, remember that food has a purpose to keep the body working and active – and food visits many parts of our bodies, not just our mouths and stomachs.  Just because it tastes good at the moment doesn’t mean that if feels good to your heart, your stomach or your arteries. 

To give you a head start on your resolution to lose some of the Holiday weight, here are some tips that I’ve collected over my weight loss journey:

-         Carbohydrates are a great source of energy.  But be aware of how active you are.  The unused carbs in your body turn to sugar and sugar turns to fat.

-         Protein fights carbs.  If you eat spaghetti, be sure you eat a lean meat with it.  Grilled chicken or tofu is great.

-         Your body is a furnace.  Many times I hear of people not eating to lose weight.  Be aware that 4 hours after eating, your body goes into survival mode and stops processing food as a survival technique.  To keep your body burning through carbs, sugar and fat, you need to keep your body fed with high protein, low sugar/fat food.  Keep the furnace burning and the weight will “burn” away!

-         Exercise takes mental toughness and will hold you to your new eating habits.  Believe me – if you cheat by having a sugary soda or donut, the next day on the treadmill you will feel it!  Beyond that, it just makes you feel better.  And in these winter months, we can use all the help we can get. 

-         As a general rule of thumb, meals should stay at 500-600 calories with under 10g of sugar and snacks between meals should be about 150 calories with 5-6g of sugar.

-         Lastly, be careful about sugar substitutes.  Your body can’t tell the difference from real sugar to sugar alcohols.  Fat in the body thrives on the sugar alcohols so there may be times that having the real sugar is better for you. 

Good luck in your journey to health this year!  Read labels, consult your doctor, talk to a coach and get your support system set. 

This is your year!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Embrace the growth opportunities!

“Acknowledging the good you already have in you is the foundation for all abundance” - Eckhart Tolle

This quote came to mind recently as I talked to several people dealing with managing adversity in their lives.  This week alone, I’ve talked to people that are losing their homes, dealing with devastating break ups and are struggling with their career.  All of them all have the same feelings - I’m a failure, I’m not worth love and success just seems to be out of my reach.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that no one should ever take blame for the mistakes in money mis-management, relationships or career issues - self analysis is part of the growth process and is critical for positive self change.  The problem comes in when our growth opportunities define us and our self worth - and we lose sight of all that is good within us.

The fact is that bad things happen in life.  And when the bad things happen, we can either turn on ourselves or we can learn and grow.  

When life hands you a growth opportunity, take a step back and stay faithful to yourself.  Realize that mistakes - no matter how severe or often - don’t define us.  We are all unique, individuals learning how to live with responsibility, emotions and each other.  Thinking that we’ll be successful at managing all of that naturally is a complete farce.  It takes dedication, time and an intense amount learning.

You have good in you right now.  You have happiness inside of you right now.  And you have growth opportunities to learn from right now.  Put your guard down, realize your own beauty and dive into the beautifully difficult process of life.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Don't be afraid to change!

Today, I’m bringing you this blog from my new MacBook.  After a drastic computer crash on the cheap laptop that I bought almost 4 years ago, I figured it was time to invest ... And I’m paying mostly with the time I’m burning figuring it out!

I have been a true-blue Microsoft woman from the beginning - and I’ve had a great relationship with it.  However, it became apparent that it was time for a change.  Microsoft just wasn’t a good fit for me and I needed to consider my options.  I needed to be able to write presentations that pop, enjoy my photography and write collateral for my newly developing business.  So after weeks of going back and forth, I decided to embrace the change and enjoy the Mac.

And I will - as soon as I learn how to use it.

Our world can be like this in the same respect.  We see something that is so much better for us, it’s undeniable.  However, we waste a considerable amount of time justifying staying with the routine that just isn’t healthy for us anymore.  Justification can be used for not budgeting, staying in a toxic relationships, making a job change, and the list goes on and on.  We find ourselves saying, “This just isn’t the right time for me to make this big of a change!  I just don’t have the energy.”

One thing remains true: When you justify staying in toxicity by saying you don’t have the energy to adjust to a change, that may be the warning signals you need to move full speed ahead.  Stress does horrible things to our energy levels and our overall happiness.  If you are struggling with keeping your head above water - and it has become clear that life just isn’t working for you - take a look at yourself and begin to consider making changes.  

Does it stress you out to think of going to work?  Do you dread seeing that toxic friend that tends to take more than he/she gives?  Do you find yourself spending more than you make?  

Just like a new computer system, making life changes are hard, they take time and they require self-forgiveness.  But the fear of the learning curve, failure or difficult conversations shouldn’t be the reason we stay unhappy.

I’ve written it before, and it’s definitely worth repeating - Happiness is inside of you right now.  Staying unhappy is an absolute choice - and so is pursuing what makes you feel connected to yourself.

Take time to think about what makes you happy - and think about where you want to go.    There is no doubt in my mind that difficult situations will arise as you change for the better and grow.  But don’t be afraid of them.  Embrace the change and what makes you happy.

A better life begins now!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Remove The Mental Road Blocks

I had coffee with a friend this week.  She’s truly amazing – she’s worked very hard and is now getting ready to take over the established law firm that she’s been working at for quite some time.  She’s under the close support of a business coach and she was discussing how beneficial the coach has been for her.

As we were talking about the business coaching process and ways we can both develop our books of business, she looked at me and said, “Michelle, I KNOW there are basic business principles that I need to do every day.  But why is this so hard?  I mean, it’s common sense, right?”

So many times I hear that during a day.  “I’m not sure WHY I’m struggling with this – it’s common sense!”  Think about it – how many times in a day do you say that?  “I’m not sure WHY I run out of money each month – budgeting is common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I don’t start my business – this should be common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I won’t pick up the phone to cold call – this is common sense!”

Sometimes life can be difficult – and often we need to realize that it may be us standing in our own way.    There are times that with basic coaching, advising or mentoring, we can work through the road blocks that we put up in our own way, navigate through the rough waters and get back on track.

If you’re struggling with life or business issues that, to you, should be basic and seem elementary, coaching could be your way to getting through them and finding the success you want.  Instead of beating yourself up and falling short of the goals you set for yourself each month, reach out to a trusted advisor and work through the issues.

Never underestimate how close you are to success.  You’re time is now – and it is within you!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Building life-muscle

I really struggle with a workout routine … I have a hard time getting myself to go when I sweat, run in the same place, I always feel judged and I most DEFINITELY always hurt the next few days. 

Do you know why a body hurts through those next few days?  Muscles are made up of tiny fibers.  When you work out, you actually “tear” those fibers – creating the sore feeling.  This is a good thing, however.  Because when your fibers rebuild, the rebuild stronger – and that’s how you see changes in your muscle structure.

When you get into a routine and start building up muscle, your body starts to hum.  Muscle burns calories – meaning that if you’re watching what you eat and building up your body, you’ll receive the results that you want physically. 

That same analogy can be used to our lives as well.  So many times life is like a workout routine.  We feel like we’re running on a treadmill (not moving forward), we feel judged and, frankly, life just hurts.  But after we recover, we find that during those times of being broken down, we come back bigger and stronger – and the “life-muscle” that we’ve built helps us through everyday situations in life.

I hear so many people resenting the pain and sadness in their lives.  They focus on the “bad hand” that life has given them and they find it hard to rise above.  Don’t get me wrong – I get it.  Life IS hard and life can most definitely be hard to navigate.  But when life hurts the most, remember that’s when you’re being broken down.  You can’t get stronger without pain – emotionally or physically. 

Coming out of a difficult situation, day or bad stretch usually means this: You’ve learned, you’ve come through it and you’ve developed strength. 

Being wrong, making mistakes or just getting the “short straw” can be difficult.  But focus on the lessons and embrace the pain – it won’t last forever and you’re going to be stronger than ever.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

A lesson on Eat, Pray, Love

Last night I watched Eat, Pray, Love for the first time.  The premise of the movie is that the main character, Liz (played by Julia Roberts), finds herself in a string of bad relationships and financial ruin.  To try and find her zest for life again, she picks up and dedicates herself to finding God – in Italy, India and Dali. 

I had so many moments in that movie that made me think – and that, frankly, I could identify with.  But one line specifically stood out to me – when she was new to Italy and finding friends, one man looked at her and said, “So, Liz, who are you?”  Liz responded, “I’m a writer.”  He looked at her and said, “That’s what you do – not who you are.  Who are you?”

That deeply resonated with me.  Who we are can so easily be defined by what we actually do.  We tell ourselves that we are the actual role in life that takes up our 9-5.  I’m a baker, I’m a salesman, I’m a manager, I’m a business owner, and the list goes on and on.  To make it even more complicated, our self-worth can get wrapped up in how well we do at those things.  If we have a rough day at work or a string of bad luck at work, all too often that pours directly into our personal lives. 

Let’s take a step back.  Let’s take a look at who we actually are as individuals.

If we’re really honest with ourselves, we’d probably see that our passion isn’t our careers.  Now we may be GOOD at our careers/job – which can make life seem successful and fulfilled – but that doesn’t mean that we have reached ultimate success.

Liz found her passion and zest for life by totally changing it.  She found her life again by finally giving up the façade of what she felt life SHOULD have been and pursuing life as she wanted it.

So often we build ourselves up and try to make life look like everyone else’s – and usually that’s at the expense of our happiness, passion and who we truly can become.  I encourage you today to dig deep inside of yourself and find your individuality.  Defining yourself by who you truly are will only make you a happier person in your career, in your relationships and will give you a sense of fulfillment that you never have experienced before.

You are one of a kind with amazing gifts, talents and abilities.  Find your passion.  And don’t be afraid to follow it!

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle

Tenacity.coaching@gmail.com

Stop the negative self talk!

At all times, we need to be very aware of the negative self-talk that we have running through our minds. 

This was driven home for me when I woke up at one day in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship.  My self worth through my 20’s became more and more of an issue it was starting to show in many areas of life.  Those times can be dangerous – we lose sight of who we are and what we deserve.  We can easily find ourselves in “self-fulfilling” relationships -meaning, self esteem is low and we can find someone that keeps us there (not just a lover – this can also be a friend or a member of our family).  We don’t do it on purpose, but we are desperately seeking validation … And we usually find it.

 Through the course of my self-validating relationship, I had many friends express concern about my well-being but every time I denied it, lied about it and became very defensive about it.  It wasn’t until a colleague of mine came to me and said, “Friend, I see too many red flags for home to be okay.  How can I help you get out?”  I for the first time admitted it – to myself and her –and I made my plan to leave.

The next few months were traumatic.  Police escorts to remove the few possessions I could grab, couch surfing and ultimately losing everything to be free.   Controllers and abusers don’t take that rejection lightly, so work became incredibly complicated as I dealt with harassing phone calls and emails to my work accounts and random visits to my office as well. 

So often I looked at myself as I was brushing my teeth in the morning and thought, “HOW did I get here?  No home and nothing to my name.  How could I have let this happen?”

Now that the dust has settled on that horrible time, a quote from the same colleague comes to my mind.  She gave me advice that was given to her.  Over coffee one day I said to her, “I’m a total train wreck.”  She looked back and said, “Michelle, your past is what got you here today.  You dealing with this is the healthiest thing you can do – and your future will be better because of it.”

We all have things inside of us that we need to work on and we need to be very careful that we don’t reach the perfect storm – our weaknesses paired with someone who can manipulate that.  This can be a fear of loneliness, fear of rejection or abandonment, etc.  However, when and if we do find ourselves – or someone we love – in that situation, how do we remove ourselves from it? 

Love yourself.  Now.

During that time of pain, I took time out to focus on what I had been missing – love for myself.  I realized I spent so much time saying, “How stupid can I be to end up here?  How could anyone love me after losing everything and making such horrible decisions?” 

And then it hit me - for me to move forward I needed to stop abusing myself first.

No matter who you are or where you’re at in life’s journey, listen to your thoughts and truly think about how often you abuse yourself – and reframe it immediately … Even if you don’t believe it.  Instead of saying, “How did I end up here?”  Think, “I am in a situation that isn’t good for me and I am worth removing myself from it.”  Instead of saying, “How stupid can I be?”  Think, “I am smart and worth love – what can I learn from this situation?”

We are all worth love – but that needs to start from within.  We all walk around with damage, baggage and difficulties … And the way we can prevent someone else’s damage hurting us or controlling us is to find love for yourself first.  Realize you’re worth true, healthy love – and realize that the pain of removing yourself from toxicity is ALWAYS worth it.

You are a soul of value and that deserves respect.  Stop abusing yourself, believe in yourself and open the door to love.

To the journey of happiness,

Michelle

tenacity.coaching@gmail.com

Overcome Stress!

Stress, anxiety and panic are everywhere, aren’t they?  Yesterday I was sitting in traffic and I was trying to turn left – and anywhere in Chicagoland, that’s never an easy task.  There were cars building up behind me and as I looked in my rear-view mirror, I saw the driver behind me was getting frustrated, angry and aggressive.

Needless to say, that created anxiety for me and I began to also get frustrated and angry with the constant flow of cars that were stopping me from turning left.  I kept looking in the rear-view mirror and started to carry the anxiety that the driver behind me was experiencing.  I went from a peaceful state to complete frustration and all I could focus on was how I couldn’t accomplish what I needed. 

And then it hit me – my mission and goal was to successfully turn left and not get into an accident.  So if I was pursuing what I needed to do and making the best judgment call I could, why was I so caught up in someone else’s frustration? 

Though it’s a basic example, I wonder how often we all practice carrying emotion that we don’t need to.  From our bosses at work to our families, others expectations of who we are and how we operate in our lives can have a lasting impact on our stress level.  So often we have a goal – like turning left – and work very hard on carrying it out, but allow someone else’s opinions or inappropriate emotion ruin our progress. 

So how do we cope with the people that try to derail us?  I mean, it’s not possible for me to never experience road rage again, right?  It’s not possible be employed and never experience a coworker that has a bad attitude, either!   

Two words – self confidence.  Trust the fact that you know what’s best for you. 

On a day to day basis, we make choices (some big, some small) that are right for us – even if it appears to be wrong to someone else.  Trust who you are and believe in the decisions you make to reach your success.  At the end of the day, you are in charge of your own destiny and happiness – and developing the confidence to walk that road takes strength.

Find just that – confidence and strength.  Trust in who you are and stay focused on your dreams … Happiness is within you right at this moment – don’t let anyone take it away from you!

To the difficult road of happiness,

Michelle

The 1984 Blazer

Today at work I had to put my office back together.  We had new flooring installed and I had to box everything up last week – today was the day to unpack.  I keep a lot of things in my office that are sentimental and I found myself reminiscing today.  

While I was unpacking I ran across an old picture – it was a picture of my 1984 Chevy Blazer … That I bought in 1999.  I bought the Blazer for $750 … And even then I overpaid.  That fine purchase left me with a whopping $50 in my account.  To top it off, it wouldn’t start in the rain and it wouldn’t start in the cold – so when I found a job and could drive to work, I drove on days that I could have walked. 

I was driving to (or walking long distances in the cold and rain), to a horrible company.  I was doing inside sales – with no commission – for $7.50 an hour.  I had taken the “promotion” to inside sales willingly to get out of the warehouse that never seemed to dip below 150 degrees in there.  I got out of the heat but found myself working even harder – but now stuck behind a desk - for the same pay.

Even though at this moment I’m more than thankful for what I had –and I received sales experience that built up my resume - I was very angry I didn’t have more.  I felt like I should have been driving something better, working for a better company and making more than what I was.  And, in all actuality, maybe I should have been at least DRIVING something more reliable. 

What I didn’t realize at the time is that I was paying my dues.

It’s cliché, isn’t it?  Paying dues - what a concept!  It’s almost like that’s what we tell ourselves so we feel better about our circumstances – and we remind ourselves about how cliché it is every time we meet adversity in our lives or careers.  But in the same respect, that time in my life was full of new experiences and so much joy … And I missed it.  I can look back and enjoy remembering those times, but I totally missed the joy in the moment while I was living it due to feeling like I deserved more.

I keep the picture of the Blazer in a frame on my desk to remind myself that in sadness and pain, I’m learning and growing.  And that Blazer is a constant reminder to me that if I focus on finding happiness in learning from my mistakes, life will always improve.

Finding joy on a daily basis doesn’t mean that life is “rolling your way”.  Finding joy on a day to day basis means that you realize there is joy in learning, joy in change and joy in pain.

Don’t miss the lesson of today.  Don’t miss the awesome experience of a life lesson.  And don’t ever regret your life – you’re where you’re at for a reason. 

To the hard road of happiness,

Michelle

Welcome to Tenacity Coaching and Development!

My first blog post - so epic!  And I'm not even totally sure I know how this entire thing works ... So I ask for
understanding with my learning curve ...

A good question may be where Tenacity Coaching and Development came from.  Bottom line is that through my life experiences, I've found that we create unhappiness in our lives - and we create unhappiness in the lives around us - by simply not pursuing passion.  This is a double edged sword, though ... Pursuing happiness and passion takes dedication and a complete willingness to fail ... And learn how to rise above it.

Combine both factors - settling for mediocrity and letting happiness become stifled by failure - and you ultimately receive one unhappy existence and a deep desire for someone to come in and save us from it.

Here is where Tenacity Coaching and Development comes into play.  A good, quality life, business or relationship takes just that - tenacity.  A pure, solid dedication to what makes you happy.  I've created this to help you stick to your passion.  Stick to your happiness.  Stick to your business.  Stick to being YOU.

I'm no therapist or business guru, but I'm a woman that has struggled with mediocrity, settling and letting others define my happiness.  I have many things to offer - countless years of small business experience and many, many years of self-development.  Through my growth, mistakes, pain and experience, I feel I can begin to point you in the right direction ... Or at least give you the insight to realize that happiness is in you right now.  Together we will relight it ... Together we will find your strength to continue your journey.

Ultimately, when happiness abounds, our world looks healthier and happier. 

Here's to life.  And here's to the difficult road called happiness.

Michelle