Creating Emotional Space

I’m proud to have such strong, amazing friends in my life.  These are people with a wide variety of life experiences that call home all over the globe ... For most of them, a big move to Oklahoma or to Egypt wasn’t exactly the plan - but they found themselves there by not settling for a complacent life and needing to make a change.

I talked to a friend of mine this past week who has recently done that very same thing and moved to New York.  She decided that she needed a change - that life had just become what she didn’t want it to be.  Simply put - she took control of her life.  She applied - and was offered - a job that would move her career forward, packed up her boxes and off she went to start a new life.  I hadn’t kept up on her the way I should have, so I was thankful to get an email from her and the few short minutes on the phone that I had.

She explained to me that in her short time there, her family had experienced a major health issue and just the day before she had to put her dog down.  I couldn’t believe what I was hearing - picking up and moving across the country is hard enough, let alone dealing with two massive issues that would debilitate so many of us not having a support system.  I asked her how she was holding up and if she was missing home.  She said to me, “You know, Michelle, it has been difficult.  However, I’m just in so much better of a place that I’m able to handle things like this.”

And there it is, isn’t it?  Packing up and moving across the Country alone probably felt impossible some days, but because she made that decision and stuck to what she knew she wanted, she ended up clearing out the negativity and was able to process life in a much healthier way.

I think that story is incredibly representative of what life can - and should - look like.  I’ve definitely said before that happiness is a journey - not a destination ... And her story proves that theory.  We all experience ups and downs on a daily basis and none of us are free from not having traumatic, difficult life situations.  But at the end of the day, the most important piece is creating a life for yourself that is right for you - and sometimes we have to do things that make us uncomfortable and go outside of our comfort zone to have that.  

It’s not always loading up a moving truck and moving across the country.  Sometimes it will simply be changing jobs, finally making the decision to see a therapist, or looking at someone and saying that you love them.  Regardless of how people view the size of your changes, remember that every step we take clearing out the cobwebs is a powerful one.  It will show in the way we interact with others, how we view ourselves, and our ability to handle the ups and downs of life.

I’m proud of my friend for her strength - and for showing so many what it means to not be held down by life.  And she’s not alone - you can also feel the freedom of pursuing the life you want ... You, like her, just need to take the first step and do it.

Remember, friends: Happiness is inside of you today.  Right now.  It’s just up to you to define how you find it.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Losing Grandpa

February 20th, 2011 marks the anniversary of when life began to rock me.  At this time last year, I was back and forth to see my family two states away and working very hard to spend every second I could with my grandfather that had days left to live.  February 20th, 2010 I was driving home from work listening to American Honey by Sugarland (you don't forget things like that) as I got the phone call from my dad that it was time to come home - and grandpa was finally at peace.

Life wasn't easy for my grandparents.  They were both homeless at times and did what they could to get by.  They then met each other young and decided to have a family ... Needless to say, they were two damaged people trying to figure out how to make life easier for their children than they had.  I'm not really quite sure grandma and grandpa ever figured out how to be a family ... I don't know if they ever knew what that really was.  But they tried ... And through the mistakes with their own children, they figured out how to love and embrace their grandchildren ... Even when their grandchildren let them down.

My grandparents made a lot of mistakes as parents, but they loved me through some incredibly difficult times ... I lost grandma in October of 2006, so February 20th, 2010 was a date that I lost not just a grandparent, but my friend and my undeniable, unconditional support system.

I'm mourning - and I have been.  This year has rocked me.  Couch surfing, financial crisis, falling in love with a woman that makes me feel like it's the first time I've ever been in love and rebuilding who I am while feeling alone has been hard.

But I'll tell you this: Grandpa would tell me to keep walking.  He would tell me to keep fighting.  Because life is worth it.

Through his death - and as we come up on this difficult anniversary - I'll speak for him right now: You may be dealing with crisis in your life, or reeling from an unsurmountable loss, but you will be okay.  We are ALL survivors and we are all in this together.  Stand up for yourself, shake the dust off and you keep walking.  And put some pride in that walk.  You're worth it.

For grandma and grandpa, for me, for my family ... Press forward.  Find your strength.  And love YOU. Life is to be enjoyed.  Don't find it too late.

To the difficult road of happiness,
Michelle

Lose the weight for GOOD!

About two and a half years ago, I found myself single after a long term relationship ended and the heaviest I had ever been.  I had slowly been gaining weight for over a year and it just seemed like I couldn’t stop the ship from sinking.  I’m 5’7” and weighed in at an unhealthy 187 pounds … And I was incredibly unhappy.

I had no idea where to begin and focusing on a healthier me seemed confusing.  I had tried to diet many times before, but fell incredibly short of my goals … And after I failed at my diets, I always put the weight back on – and then some. 

I decided at that point that I needed to make a total life change.  And I had to make small steps to ensure my success.  I knew I had to give up white flour, sugary soda and most of my sugar … But I also knew that if I didn’t do it slowly, I was sure to fail.

I began making small changes.  My first step was switching to wheat pasta.  As soon as I adjusted to the change and I was comfortable, I switched to diet soda.  When I adjusted to diet, I switched to water … You get the idea.  Bottom line is that the old adage is true – small steps equal big results!  I started seeing great results and I was beginning to drop sizes.

I’m proud to say that over the two and a half years of my journey, I have lost a successful 60 pounds.  Though my weight fluctuates a bit, I have stuck to my life changes.  Yes, I cheat at times, but I know they are “cheats” – not a constant way of life anymore.

As we come upon the New Year and our resolutions start, remember how little things add up to make a big difference.  And if you’re a comfort eater like me, remember that food has a purpose to keep the body working and active – and food visits many parts of our bodies, not just our mouths and stomachs.  Just because it tastes good at the moment doesn’t mean that if feels good to your heart, your stomach or your arteries. 

To give you a head start on your resolution to lose some of the Holiday weight, here are some tips that I’ve collected over my weight loss journey:

-         Carbohydrates are a great source of energy.  But be aware of how active you are.  The unused carbs in your body turn to sugar and sugar turns to fat.

-         Protein fights carbs.  If you eat spaghetti, be sure you eat a lean meat with it.  Grilled chicken or tofu is great.

-         Your body is a furnace.  Many times I hear of people not eating to lose weight.  Be aware that 4 hours after eating, your body goes into survival mode and stops processing food as a survival technique.  To keep your body burning through carbs, sugar and fat, you need to keep your body fed with high protein, low sugar/fat food.  Keep the furnace burning and the weight will “burn” away!

-         Exercise takes mental toughness and will hold you to your new eating habits.  Believe me – if you cheat by having a sugary soda or donut, the next day on the treadmill you will feel it!  Beyond that, it just makes you feel better.  And in these winter months, we can use all the help we can get. 

-         As a general rule of thumb, meals should stay at 500-600 calories with under 10g of sugar and snacks between meals should be about 150 calories with 5-6g of sugar.

-         Lastly, be careful about sugar substitutes.  Your body can’t tell the difference from real sugar to sugar alcohols.  Fat in the body thrives on the sugar alcohols so there may be times that having the real sugar is better for you. 

Good luck in your journey to health this year!  Read labels, consult your doctor, talk to a coach and get your support system set. 

This is your year!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Embrace the growth opportunities!

“Acknowledging the good you already have in you is the foundation for all abundance” - Eckhart Tolle

This quote came to mind recently as I talked to several people dealing with managing adversity in their lives.  This week alone, I’ve talked to people that are losing their homes, dealing with devastating break ups and are struggling with their career.  All of them all have the same feelings - I’m a failure, I’m not worth love and success just seems to be out of my reach.

Now I’m not going to sit here and say that no one should ever take blame for the mistakes in money mis-management, relationships or career issues - self analysis is part of the growth process and is critical for positive self change.  The problem comes in when our growth opportunities define us and our self worth - and we lose sight of all that is good within us.

The fact is that bad things happen in life.  And when the bad things happen, we can either turn on ourselves or we can learn and grow.  

When life hands you a growth opportunity, take a step back and stay faithful to yourself.  Realize that mistakes - no matter how severe or often - don’t define us.  We are all unique, individuals learning how to live with responsibility, emotions and each other.  Thinking that we’ll be successful at managing all of that naturally is a complete farce.  It takes dedication, time and an intense amount learning.

You have good in you right now.  You have happiness inside of you right now.  And you have growth opportunities to learn from right now.  Put your guard down, realize your own beauty and dive into the beautifully difficult process of life.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Don't be afraid to change!

Today, I’m bringing you this blog from my new MacBook.  After a drastic computer crash on the cheap laptop that I bought almost 4 years ago, I figured it was time to invest ... And I’m paying mostly with the time I’m burning figuring it out!

I have been a true-blue Microsoft woman from the beginning - and I’ve had a great relationship with it.  However, it became apparent that it was time for a change.  Microsoft just wasn’t a good fit for me and I needed to consider my options.  I needed to be able to write presentations that pop, enjoy my photography and write collateral for my newly developing business.  So after weeks of going back and forth, I decided to embrace the change and enjoy the Mac.

And I will - as soon as I learn how to use it.

Our world can be like this in the same respect.  We see something that is so much better for us, it’s undeniable.  However, we waste a considerable amount of time justifying staying with the routine that just isn’t healthy for us anymore.  Justification can be used for not budgeting, staying in a toxic relationships, making a job change, and the list goes on and on.  We find ourselves saying, “This just isn’t the right time for me to make this big of a change!  I just don’t have the energy.”

One thing remains true: When you justify staying in toxicity by saying you don’t have the energy to adjust to a change, that may be the warning signals you need to move full speed ahead.  Stress does horrible things to our energy levels and our overall happiness.  If you are struggling with keeping your head above water - and it has become clear that life just isn’t working for you - take a look at yourself and begin to consider making changes.  

Does it stress you out to think of going to work?  Do you dread seeing that toxic friend that tends to take more than he/she gives?  Do you find yourself spending more than you make?  

Just like a new computer system, making life changes are hard, they take time and they require self-forgiveness.  But the fear of the learning curve, failure or difficult conversations shouldn’t be the reason we stay unhappy.

I’ve written it before, and it’s definitely worth repeating - Happiness is inside of you right now.  Staying unhappy is an absolute choice - and so is pursuing what makes you feel connected to yourself.

Take time to think about what makes you happy - and think about where you want to go.    There is no doubt in my mind that difficult situations will arise as you change for the better and grow.  But don’t be afraid of them.  Embrace the change and what makes you happy.

A better life begins now!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Remove The Mental Road Blocks

I had coffee with a friend this week.  She’s truly amazing – she’s worked very hard and is now getting ready to take over the established law firm that she’s been working at for quite some time.  She’s under the close support of a business coach and she was discussing how beneficial the coach has been for her.

As we were talking about the business coaching process and ways we can both develop our books of business, she looked at me and said, “Michelle, I KNOW there are basic business principles that I need to do every day.  But why is this so hard?  I mean, it’s common sense, right?”

So many times I hear that during a day.  “I’m not sure WHY I’m struggling with this – it’s common sense!”  Think about it – how many times in a day do you say that?  “I’m not sure WHY I run out of money each month – budgeting is common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I don’t start my business – this should be common sense!”  “I’m not quite sure WHY I won’t pick up the phone to cold call – this is common sense!”

Sometimes life can be difficult – and often we need to realize that it may be us standing in our own way.    There are times that with basic coaching, advising or mentoring, we can work through the road blocks that we put up in our own way, navigate through the rough waters and get back on track.

If you’re struggling with life or business issues that, to you, should be basic and seem elementary, coaching could be your way to getting through them and finding the success you want.  Instead of beating yourself up and falling short of the goals you set for yourself each month, reach out to a trusted advisor and work through the issues.

Never underestimate how close you are to success.  You’re time is now – and it is within you!

To the road of happiness,

Michelle

Building life-muscle

I really struggle with a workout routine … I have a hard time getting myself to go when I sweat, run in the same place, I always feel judged and I most DEFINITELY always hurt the next few days. 

Do you know why a body hurts through those next few days?  Muscles are made up of tiny fibers.  When you work out, you actually “tear” those fibers – creating the sore feeling.  This is a good thing, however.  Because when your fibers rebuild, the rebuild stronger – and that’s how you see changes in your muscle structure.

When you get into a routine and start building up muscle, your body starts to hum.  Muscle burns calories – meaning that if you’re watching what you eat and building up your body, you’ll receive the results that you want physically. 

That same analogy can be used to our lives as well.  So many times life is like a workout routine.  We feel like we’re running on a treadmill (not moving forward), we feel judged and, frankly, life just hurts.  But after we recover, we find that during those times of being broken down, we come back bigger and stronger – and the “life-muscle” that we’ve built helps us through everyday situations in life.

I hear so many people resenting the pain and sadness in their lives.  They focus on the “bad hand” that life has given them and they find it hard to rise above.  Don’t get me wrong – I get it.  Life IS hard and life can most definitely be hard to navigate.  But when life hurts the most, remember that’s when you’re being broken down.  You can’t get stronger without pain – emotionally or physically. 

Coming out of a difficult situation, day or bad stretch usually means this: You’ve learned, you’ve come through it and you’ve developed strength. 

Being wrong, making mistakes or just getting the “short straw” can be difficult.  But focus on the lessons and embrace the pain – it won’t last forever and you’re going to be stronger than ever.

To the road of happiness,

Michelle